Leaders can make a difference by modeling respect and empathy

My wife was on an interstate entry ramp when the driver behind us came close to our bumper, rudely suggesting that she speed up. Then, as we merged onto the highway, the angry driver quickly passed, giving my wife the finger before speeding off.

We have all heard stories of these kinds of situations deteriorating into confrontation and even violence. But I was feeling more sad than angry, wondering about the driver’s personal story. Is he often this angry or was he just having a bad day and maybe regretted his behavior later? Does he treat his “tribe” (family and friends) different than he treats strangers?

Unfortunately, examples of bad behavior are increasingly on display.

As reported in this publication, the manager of Bowl-O-Rama in Portsmouth felt a need to speak out on Facebook, decrying “rude, belligerent, and frankly abusive behavior” by customers. News reports recount physical threats against school board members, hospitals installing panic buttons due to growing patient assaults and airline employees getting self-defense training.

How have things gone so wrong in our beautiful country?

I remember Mr. Rogers telling children to be kind to one another. He must be rolling over in his grave. Character, including how we treat each other, still matters, but many think it is perfectly OK to demean someone who doesn’t agree with them.

How have these important lessons somehow been lost? Are our families, schools and, yes, workplaces doing their job? Unfortunately, our technology giants are exploiting division because it makes money.

Social media algorithms are bringing out the worst in us: “If it screams, it streams (but if kind, pay no mind).”

Animosity promotion is obviously playing out in our political life. According to a recent poll by the University of Virginia’s Center for Politics, 75 percent of Biden voters and 78 percent of Trump voters at least partially agreed with the statement: “I believe that Americans who strongly support the opposite party have become a clear and present danger to the American way of life.” Yikes!

Concern about political polarization led me to volunteer with Braver Angels, a national citizens movement that bridges the partisan divide by embracing respect, humility, honesty and responsible citizenship.

I encourage folks to attend one of their free workshops, debates or other events.

But the problem runs deeper than politics. I assume the driver who gave my wife the finger didn’t know how we voted. Disrespect and distrust of others seems to have pervaded our whole society, including our workplaces.

What is a business leader to do? Here are a few suggestions:

• Model good behavior. When leaders show the way, others will follow. Embracing respect, humility and empathy go a long way toward establishing a positive company culture.

• Clearly articulate your values. Businesses that define their values set a positive standard for employee performance.

But be sure to live up to them, as nothing promotes workplace cynicism faster than leaders who say one thing and do another. Of course, we all make mistakes, but be sure to apologize when they happen.

• Set expectations for your team. Be clear that you expect managers and team members to embrace the company values. This is not one-off communication as it requires regular, consistent reminders.

• Confront bad behavior. When someone strays, communicate that clearly in private. If the pattern persists, consider formal disciplinary action. Failure to do so can undermine the morale of the others on your team.

• Stand up for your staff. The old adage that “the customer is always right” shouldn’t apply to bad behavior. Taking a stand to protect your staff can go a long way to enhance morale and employee retention.

What about political conflict in the workplace? The most common view is to set an expectation of no political discussions on the job, and this is certainly better than employee conflicts that undermine productivity. A higher value, though, is respectful conversation that includes good listening skills, curiosity and empathy. Encourage your staff to take a Braver Angels workshop!

By embracing these key ideas, your business will be more successful, and you’ll be modeling behavior that can positively impact those outside your business and even our country. We each have an extraordinary opportunity to make a difference in people’s lives, including our own. Don’t underestimate your impact!

Douglass P. Teschner, founder of Growing Leadership LLC, can be reached at dteschner@Growing-LeadershipLLC.com.